In a world today that is full of slogans and techniques such as "Lose twenty pounds in one month!", "Get a trim body in just ten days!", and "Quit smoking with the help of this wonder pill", it's no wonder that people get slightly uncomfortable with waiting for results for anything. The world is at our fingertips. I can 'Google' anything I want and have answers in just seconds to whatever question has been plaguing my mind. I can bake a cake in just half the time if I use a box mix, or I can hop on a plane and be thousands of miles away in a few short hours. What's more, I can control half of my life with the push of a button on my laptop. Nearly anything I want, can happen with little to no effort. But what happens when life throws into the mix something that cannot be taken care of immediately. What happens if something so intense happens in life and we are left with the reality of picking up the pieces to a five thousand piece jigsaw puzzle called life?
The topic of trauma is often one that no one wants to touch with a ten foot pole. No one wants to be the one to pick up that puzzle of life and put it all back together. It's messy; it's hard. The truth is, life is hard enough, but what happens when heartbreak and anxiety hit us out of nowhere? Further, what happens when something complicated happens in a world that tries to simplify and uncomplicate even the simplest things in life? Trauma cannot be simplified.
The process of dealing with trauma is messy. It takes time and long-suffering. Many of us don't know what to say or do. What do you say to someone who just lost a child? What do you say to someone who has experienced the death of a spouse or loved one? Are there any words to describe the pain of hearing the diagnosis of cancer? All of these things are traumatic and don't fit into that 'box cake' we all love to use. None of these things are easily digested, and none of these things can be dealt with quickly. So what is there to do?
As I pondered these questions when a friend shared some deep traumas with me that were wreaking havoc on her family's life, all I could do was meet her in her pain. I didn't have words for her. I didn't have some sort of wisdom to share that would ease her pain or take the problem away. All I could do was be there to help her put the pieces back together again. Sometimes we don't even know what that looks like, but i would suggest that simply being there to listen, love, and support in any way possible are good starts. However, the biggest way to help someone put their life back together again is just simply being a good listener and allowing that person to share there story in their time, in their way, and in the pain of it all.
The second thing I think is vital is to allow the person suffering to take as much time as needed to work through the trauma experienced. So many times, I think our society expects people to 'get over' difficult things quickly and cleanly. But the truth of the matter is, sometimes it takes a long time for the pain to subside. What works for one person may not work for another, and that's okay. By removing the expectations of quick recovery, the sufferers are free to work through every angle of the trauma and find healing in their own timing. This is essential.
Finally, finding a 'new normal' is essential to healing after trauma. A person may never function the way he or she did before the trauma, and that's okay. We need to remember that everything that happens in life has the potential of changing who people are. If a runner loses his leg, no one would expect the runner to run again. So why, when dealing with a person who has gone through trauma, do we expect a person to function just as they have in the past? What if their amygdala is broken? (This is an important lesson I learned from a professor, Dr. Monroe) We need to be very understanding and also assist those who suffer trauma to find that new normal necessary to finally move on (whatever that looks like!).
So let us join our friends and family in suffering. And though we may not have the words to say, or some profound wisdom that will take the suffering away, but at the very least, we have all experienced suffering and know what it is like to be in the midst of unbearable pain. These experiences alone can give us the understanding needed to walk with someone else through their pain and trauma. Let's not forget to meet those suffering where they are and to walk with those around us as long as it takes to find true healing. We are all in this together!
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