Friday, June 27, 2014

On the Eve of Something New


     The world of academia is all about graduations and accomplishments. It's about the rat race that sends many of us into a frenzy writing papers, preparing presentations, staying up way later than is healthy to finish those last few pages of a less than exciting book. Day in and day out, we study, we read, we write, and we down another cup of coffee to keep ourselves alive - really, it does keep us alive. But it would be wrong for me to color the last two years of my life in such a drab painting. No, these years of sweat, tears, exhaustion, and pain have also been some of the most valuable years of my life. On the eve of my graduation, I find myself both uncontrollably happy and terribly sad as if I am losing a dear friend.

     It's difficult to capture the emotions that now pulse through my heart. You see, I've spent the last two years learning a lot. I've studied the DSM and learned the diagnostic techniques related to my discipline. I've learned how to diagnose, treat, and comfort those who walk into my counseling office. But going to graduate school has been so much more to me than an academic experience.  I've learned how to try and facilitate healing and I've learned that much of that healing comes from the dedication of my clients. I've heard stories of real people that send shivers up and down my spine and I've sat in a sea of sadness with grieving and broken individuals. The years of truly walking beside broken people has softened my heart and has taught me deep truths. More than anything, graduate school has changed me tremendously.

     When I reflect on the last two years, I have changed incalculably. I've walked through pain of my own and wrestled with who God is in the midst of my own suffering. The very things that I have watched my clients wrestle with are some of the things I have needed to wrestle with on my own. As I have urged my clients to show grace and kindness to themselves where they fall short of their own expectations, I too, have had to show myself the same grace and kindness in areas I would rather be hard on myself. I have found strength in places I didn't know it existed.

     Most of all, I have met the most spectacular people. Becoming a counselor seems to be more about developing yourself than techniques and diagnostics. It's about becoming the healthiest you possible so you can come alongside others who are broken just like you and help them to the path of healing. It's been as much about the work as it has been really walking with fellow human beings in this journey called life. I'm sure most people who enter graduate school do not have this experience of deep friendship, but I have been lucky enough to know and care for some extraordinary souls. We've rejoiced together and cried together. We've walked in exhaustion together and anticipated the glorious end together. We've studied together and stressed out about school together, but most of all, we've carried each other and have loved each other. We've become like a family.

     It's hard to express how I feel tonight, on the eve of tomorrow's graduation because while I am ecstatic to be able to read books for fun again and have the honor of earning a Master's degree, I am incredibly sad to say goodbye to so many amazing people. I'm saddened to leave a place that has brought me so much growth, healing, and support of my own. The professors who have all been like mentors and the students who have all been dear friends will be what I miss most about graduate school and as I turn my face to the future, a part of me grieves leaving Biblical Seminary and another part of me cannot wait to be finished. The two emotions bifurcate my heart and I'm learning to be okay with that.

     So to my fellow Biblical Seminary, Graduate School of Counseling graduates, I say 'Thank you'. Thank you for walking this journey with me and holding me up in moments when I have felt most weak. Thank you for being amazing people who truly care for each other and most assuredly care for your clients. Thank you for being people of honor and pursuing excellence. Thank you for being people who truly grasp the love of Christ and show it to those all around you. Thank you. I am absolutely honored to have spent the last two years with each one of you and I am proud to call you fellow clinicians. I am truly humbled to call you each 'friend'.

     As I anticipate commencement tomorrow I feel a little nauseous along with excitement. Our futures are bright and I know that God will use us each to do amazing things, but I cannot help being a little nervous as well. I don't want to say goodbye, but I know this next phase of life will be more than we've ever imagined. So dream big, my friends, dream big. Never stop dreaming and asking God for the honor of living those dreams and at the end of the day, may you love all who you encounter with the purest love here on this earth. May you be agents of healing that change this world the way you've changed my life in our time together.

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