Sunday, August 10, 2014

Moving, Packing, and Stones of Remembrance

     I am obsessed with 'stones of remembrance'. If you aren't familiar with what that is, it's a custom some people still continue today, but it is a practice from thousands of years ago, brought about by the Israelite people. One of my very favorite passages in Scripture talking about stones of remembrance is in Joshua 4. At this point Joshua is instructed to place some stones near the Jordan River as a memorial to what the Lord had done for His people. He had parted the waters, just like He had at the Red Sea, generations before, allowing the ark of the covenant and the people to pass through safely. God tells Joshua to make a memorial so that when future generations see this pile of stones, the story of God's presence and glory can be shared as a reminder of His faithfulness and might. We see this practice repeated throughout Scripture, in other areas, but what a beautiful picture. I wonder if the Israelite people knew how special this was when they were doing it. I love the idea.

     When I think about times when I have seen God move mightily on my behalf; times when He's parted the waters, so to speak, or provided for me in ways I thought were not possible, I am amazed and humbled. I also know myself well enough to know that sometimes I forget about those things, and the next time I am going through something difficult, I can easily wonder where God is or if He is going to come through for me. How short my memory can be. I'm learning to love stones of remembrance.

     As I prepare for this next adventure of moving to another stage of ministry, I am faced with the daunting task of packing every thing we own and leaving this place we've called 'home' for the last two years. It's bittersweet. Bittersweet because of all the normal reasons like missing my friends and people I love but at the same time being excited to see what God is going to do in our lives next. But it's also bittersweet because of all the significant things that have happened in this home; in this place over the last two years. God has met me here in ways I could not have imagined. God has provided for us in ways that only He could do. He has shown up and comforted us through pain and sorrow and we've rejoiced with Him over successes and provisions.

     When I think back on the last two years, I am reminded that so much of our time has consisted of gut-wrenching pain. So much of this time that has passed has been covered in tears and moments of pounding on the Father's chest, wondering how to put the pieces back together again. Illness, loss, exhaustion, brokenness, fear, endurance...those were my companions here, but there was also great joy in what God had been showing us. As I pack my things I am reminded of the last two years. You would think I would be excited to move to the next place; to say goodbye to these difficult times, and to an extent, you would be right. I am happy. I am excited. But a piece of me whispers 'I don't want to leave this place. I don't want to forget how close You've been in my darkest hours.'. You see, even in those darkest hours, I've seen Him and felt Him in a way I never have before.

     These last few years have not been easy, but I have seen God. I have learned things about Him that I could not have learned had I not walked through the valley of suffering we have. I have seen His face. I have known Him in moments when it felt like all I had to cling to was the hem of His garment (and my husband!). When all things seem stripped away, and I'm raw before Him...I've felt Him near. So, part of me wonders 'If I move from this place, this home, will I forget what the soothing balm of His closeness is like?' Will I move on and forget what it's like to cry out and know He's there, weeping over my sufferings as well?

     As I pack my home I take little stones of remembrance with me. I travel with the small compass rose necklace my husband got me last year when I felt like I had no idea which direction God was taking us and I wanted to be reminded that He knows the way. I travel with pages in my journal that remind me of some of the things that have happened in my life these past few years and the brokenness He's brought me through. As I place each item  in a cardboard box, reminders of deep friendship, hope, and peace in Him dance through my mind and I am content. These are my stones of remembrance that I will continue to carry them with me. These are the little things that remind me of who God is and His faithfulness. These are the things that remind me of His breath that gives me life.

     Moving is bittersweet, there's no doubt about that, but as I go, I go with stones of remembrance that continue to bring to my mind how God never leaves us alone - how God is there are all times. I go with hope for the future, peace in the present, and memories of the past.

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